Embodying Feminine Energy In Dating
Stepping Into your Feminine Energy in Relationships and Courtship, to go From Chasing to Being Chosen.
I'd like to preface this by saying that this is based on my own personal experience and perspective on dating and relationships after many years of trial and error. We all approach dating differently depending on our backgrounds, mindsets, and what we've been through, so take what resonates and leave the rest. I'm sharing the advice I wish someone had given me when I was younger to save me a lot of heartache and frustration.
Over the past few years, I've been through many different kinds of relationships - from casual flings to longer-term partnerships. I've dated all types of men and seen the patterns that emerge. What I truly believe now is: You can't mess up what's meant for you, and you can't force what isn't meant to be. So much anxiety and desperation could be avoided by trusting that simple idea.
For me, staying in my feminine energy means sitting back and allowing the masculine to take charge when it comes to dating and relationships. This isn't strictly about male and female gender roles, but about embracing the masculine and feminine energies we all have within us. Masculine energy is about being direct, making things happen, taking action, logic and analysis. Feminine energy is about receiving, intuiting, allowing things to unfold, flowing with emotions. We all have both, but I function best by leading with feminine energy most of the time - focusing on attracting rather than chasing, resting rather than constant hustle, living at a slower, more relaxed pace. I tap into my masculine energy when I need to for career, goals, getting things done. But if I'm always in that mode, I become imbalanced, drained and stressed.
When it comes to dating, being in my feminine energy means allowing him to be the quintessential masculine pursuer. This isn't about playing games or adhering to rigid gender roles. It's about psychology and energy dynamics. Men are natural hunters who instinctively want to pursue, provide, and essentially "win over" their mate. If I slip into masculine energy by always being the initiator, never letting him treat me, constantly having to "make things happen"...it can disrupt that dynamic and cause him to avoid asserting himself or pull back into a more passive, feminine role that isn't fulfilling for either of us.
Here are some of the key things I've learned to keep myself in feminine, radiant energy while dating:
Not texting first, not double-texting
I don't make the first text anymore, I let him initiate conversations to show his level of interest and investment. Double-texting is the ultimate no-no - if he didn't respond to my first text in a reasonable timeframe, I don't send another thirsty text hoping he'll reply. That just shows I'm an option giving my energy and attention away too easily. Unless there were truly extenuating circumstances, his non-response is the response. I have too much self-respect to chase or harrass. My vibe is "You had your shot, next!"
Not making the first move (unless it's a subtle "handkerchief toss")
Back in the day, a lady would NEVER make the first move on a man she was interested in. That was considered grounds for being labeled a easy or being undignified. But she could subtly get his attention by "dropping a handkerchief" in his vicinity, so that a proper gentleman would pick it up, return it to her, and have a legitimate reason to strike up conversation. Nowadays I don't literally drop cloth handkerchiefs of course, but I may "toss the handkerchief" by mentioning an activity I'd love to try or restaurant I'm craving, to suggest a date idea. Then I let him run with the ball if he's interested. No overt pursuer behavior from me!
Being patient while allowing him to escalate
To truly see if a man is serious about me and not just halfhearted or lukewarm, I have to be patient and let him do all the escalating and putting in effort. Whether that's posting me on social media first, asking to make things officially exclusive, introducing me to family/friends, or really any of the "getting more serious" steps, I let it be up to him to initiate based on his authentic feelings. I don't push, harrass, or try to force things to progress at a pace that works for me but maybe not for him. I make my own boundaries clear, but within that I let his actions speak.
Letting him make date plans/be the planner
Early on especially, but really throughout the relationship, I make a point to let him choose date activities, restaurants, etc. This allows him to use his masculine planning traits, channels his drive to impress me, and is more rewarding when I express appreciation for the thought he put in. These days, the "handkerchief toss" suggestion of mentioning certain cuisines or activities I'd enjoy can help guide his planning. But I don't outright decide on the dates or make the full plan myself - I leave the ball in his court.
Letting Him Pay for Dates
Especially in the early courtship stage, this isn't about being entitled or a freeloader - it's about giving him the opportunity to demonstrate his ability to provide, his level of effort/commitment, and treat me with traditional gentlemanly respect. Just as I wouldn't pursue him aggressively, I don't pursue the "pick up the check" duties that fall under masculine energy. I simply receive gracefully when he pays. It's a subtle but powerful dynamic. If he ever acted troubled by paying or made me feel like a cheap date, that would speak volumes about his intentions and how he really views/values me as a lady worth cherishing. The woman should feel like her presence, feminie charms, and quality company are the "price" enough.
Not subscribing to the "moving too fast" fear
A common fear I used to have was that things were "moving too fast" if we quickly started spending more time together, getting more intimate, meeting friends & family sooner than the typical "take it slow" advice. But I've realized that's just the patriarchy and societal programming making us fearful of embracing true passion and connection. You can't mess up what's meant for you, you can't force what isn't meant to be. So if things are happening rapidly but feeling very natural and right for both people, why pump the brakes? Life is too short to not fully immerse in those thrilling, giddy, sparks-flying early dating stages we so rarely get to experience as adults. As long as your values and boundaries are being respected, I say go with the flow of what your heart wants! Timing is irrelevant when you've found your person.
At the same time, put yourself in the pedestal and honor yourself.
Waiting at least 3 dates before intimacy can give a sense of inner power and control. It makes the man put in more commitment and effort, as men are natural "hunters" who enjoy the chase.
You should put yourself on a pedestal and make the man prove he's worthy of your time, effort, and intimacy. Don't let anyone in easily - make them earn the right to be with you.
Sex is a powerful exchange, so be intentional. Going too quickly can sometimes change the man's perception of you, though not always.
Ultimately, do what feels right. But taking your time and positioning yourself as the prize can lead to more positive relationship outcomes.
The key is embodying a feminine, high-value energy by making men earn your affection, rather than giving it away easily.
The main point is, do what feels right for your specific energy and situation. I can't push hard masculine energy all the time - I'd lose myself. As modern women, we already have to be in driving, making-things-happen mode so much of the time. Dating and relationships are one area we can let go of that control, breathe into receiving feminine energy, and let the masculine complement pursue, plan, and provide. This has allowed me to relax, enjoy the process so much more, and get a clearer sense of how a man naturally steps up. It's been deeply fulfilling to experience dating through this lens.
Thank you for taking the time to read this newsletter! I appreciate it :)
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Love and light, Gabi 🤍✨